Divine Meeting Dust

The month of January.

My own form of hell.

The closest I’ve been.  

What I would suppose it would be like: without God. I couldn’t, however, fully reach the extent of hell because I had God. He followed me to the depths.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.”

I had/have tremendous need. I have learned that people do unspeakable things when they are undergoing unspeakable pain. I have also learned that the purest intentions can be guided towards destruction solely because we are born in human skin. But destruction is, at times, a means of grace. For one cannot truly know Light if they have not known darkness.

And there is such grace.

And the unspeakable pain that leads to unspeakable things is covered by unspeakable grace. The depth of sin is made beautiful as Grace in the form of Man bends low to touch scars. And He shows us His.

And I am met. For His scars on Holy skin give my scars meaning. They point to His. They remind me of Him. And I am assured that they are beautiful because of Him. He gives them a name. He kisses them deep. And He loves them whole.

Ugliness is beauty starved. And Christ is our bread of life.

And Christ is found in the hearts of His people.

And through the written Word.

And in the paint stroke of Creation.  

So why when we see ugliness, do we cower? Why do we avoid? Why do we turn our face away when it is our face (the faces of God) that must be seen for Beauty to find its Home. We say we avoid sin, but aren’t we really avoiding starvation? Starving people?

“And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them."

He came to feed the thousands. To break bread. To heal. To dine with.

And doesn’t He ask the same of us:

^“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”

I have been surrounded by people declaring the gospel, and speaking Truth, and claiming a gracious God while simultaneously shying away from the ugliness of humanity. Disregarding it. Ignoring it. Belittling it. Punishing it. I have been the ashamed. I have shied away. Not because of the other’s ugliness, but because it reminded me of my own. The ugliness must be embraced, tended to, comforted. But this kind of healing requires humility and others. And the deep soul cries for intimacy muffle the inner whisperings of Truth. I have known this soul cry. I cling and grasp and plead. Forgive me Lord for not trusting in Your provision, for I have known starving. I fear it.

Forgive me for my shame, when it is another’s means of Salvation.

Forgive me for my pride, when it is my fallenness that points others to You.

Forgive me, Father, for being so content in my happiness, that I become unwilling to join another in their despair.

And forgive me for looking upon a fellow sinner, and choosing to be clean, rather than choosing to be with.

And praise You, Father, for not doing the same.