There are individual that enter
your life and settle within your heart. They make their homes there for two
reasons: first of all because they want to be there, and second, because all of
the walls that were built up for protection have surrendered and laid down
their arms. This was my relationship with Jay Lavender. I took down my walls,
and he settled in my heart.
My dad
told me that there are some people that leave holes in your heart when they
leave, and that those holes are never filled. There will never be another Jay
Lavender. I feel his vacancy, and it aches.
There
never seems to be enough words: words to give grief meaning, words to speak of
the depth of character Jay had, words to give his life the meaning it had to so
many. All words seem insufficient because only his presence could do his life
justice. But until we experience his presence again with the Father, words have
to be sufficient.
It feels inadequate to tell others
that “my high school basketball coach” passed away because he was so much more
than that. He never just coached basketball while he was coaching. He modeled
life. He invested himself. He gave himself. He taught us what it meant to
sacrifice, what it meant to love. He spent hours upon hours, dollar upon
dollar, grief upon grief to make us, not just better basketball player, but
better Christ followers. Better children of God. He taught us what it meant to
care for each other, more than ourselves.
Because
I had allowed Jay to settle in my heart, his words had the power to impact me.
They changed me because I allowed them to. Just last week, I was discouraged
with my season in life. There were many voices shouting in my head speaking of
my inadequacy or my failures, but there was one voice that I trusted. I trusted
it because I trusted him and his relationship with the Father. He was a man of
his word, and walked the faith he proclaimed. I let down my walls, and he let
down his. And what I found was that he was the same man behind closed doors. He
loved Jesus, claimed Him as his friend, and walked with Him daily encouraging
others to do the same.
I
admired the way he would talk about his family. We had many long trips
together. We would talk a lot about basketball and what the team needed, but
sometimes we would talk about deeper things. I would sit in the front seat and
would listen to his stories on our way back from away games. One particular
night stands out to me. We were on our way back from a game, and it was late.
We got stuck in a snow storm (and Jay has a hard time seeing late at night). I
was in the front seat and all of the other girls had fallen asleep in the back.
I knew Joy would want me to keep a close eye out for him J so we drove at 35 mph
all the way home. We ended up getting home around 3am, but talked the entire
time. There were so many stories (and I ask many questions J ) He told me how he
met Joy. And how he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He told me how she was
always able to put him in his place when necessary. He told me about how he
would have Derek stand on his feet when he was little and they would walk
together. He told me about how much he cherished his children. He talked about
the music they listened to, the way Courtney played basketball, and how smart
Derek was, and how beautiful his wife was. And I just sat back and let this man
tell his story, because it was such a story to be told. It was a treasure. His
family was a treasure to him, and hearing this man’s heart for his family was a
treasure to me. We both found gold that night.
People that choose to see the good in you, are
the ones that truly see you. We are
all made in God’s image. Therefore, that is our true self. Jay saw me. And He
spoke to that Spirit in me. And I clung to it. I clung to the good that he saw
in me and it enabled me to allow God’s Spirit to engulf me. I felt known by
Jay. He understood my heart. He understood my love for the Lord and how I
desired to please Him. And He taught me how to walk in that faith. I can hear
his voice in my head. I can hear him call me “Stinger”, I can hear him say “Our
Father in Heaven and friend on Earth”, I can hear Him tell me “You’re a
Christian counselor. Christian first, counselor second”, and I can hear him
tell me “I love you”. Those were our last words after the alumni basketball
game: “I love you”.
And I believed it.
I believe it.
