I've recently been wrestling with grace. I've wrestled with its relief as well as with its lack of expectation. I'm a woman of meeting expectations. I love to please people and give people reasons to be proud of me or satisfied with my strivings and accomplishments. This allows me to have false feelings of control about how individuals feel/think about me. But grace.... I struggle with grace. I struggle with its freedom and its continuity. I struggle with its lack of standards and its inclusiveness. Because in all these things, I am left with no control. No means of earning anything. I am just left in my being with grace holding me. It's such a beautiful concept. An idea that we all secretly hope for and yet struggle to accept. This baffles me. Is it that we believe it is too good to be true? Or is it our pride keeping us in the dark about our true need for this sort of lavishing of God's love?
Today I'm grateful because even when I feel as though I am not accepting grace.....grace covers. It engulfs my entire being, swallowing all of my mistakes, shortcomings, false humility, and skewed beliefs. Grace has covered me in the times when I refused to accept it. Grace has covered me when I deemed it as unnecessary. Grace is, was, and always will be. I cannot escape it because I belong to the One who is relentless! And His grace is sufficient!
