Leave A Legacy

There are individual that enter your life and settle within your heart. They make their homes there for two reasons: first of all because they want to be there, and second, because all of the walls that were built up for protection have surrendered and laid down their arms. This was my relationship with Jay Lavender. I took down my walls, and he settled in my heart.

                My dad told me that there are some people that leave holes in your heart when they leave, and that those holes are never filled. There will never be another Jay Lavender. I feel his vacancy, and it aches.

                There never seems to be enough words: words to give grief meaning, words to speak of the depth of character Jay had, words to give his life the meaning it had to so many. All words seem insufficient because only his presence could do his life justice. But until we experience his presence again with the Father, words have to be sufficient.

It feels inadequate to tell others that “my high school basketball coach” passed away because he was so much more than that. He never just coached basketball while he was coaching. He modeled life. He invested himself. He gave himself. He taught us what it meant to sacrifice, what it meant to love. He spent hours upon hours, dollar upon dollar, grief upon grief to make us, not just better basketball player, but better Christ followers. Better children of God. He taught us what it meant to care for each other, more than ourselves.

                Because I had allowed Jay to settle in my heart, his words had the power to impact me. They changed me because I allowed them to. Just last week, I was discouraged with my season in life. There were many voices shouting in my head speaking of my inadequacy or my failures, but there was one voice that I trusted. I trusted it because I trusted him and his relationship with the Father. He was a man of his word, and walked the faith he proclaimed. I let down my walls, and he let down his. And what I found was that he was the same man behind closed doors. He loved Jesus, claimed Him as his friend, and walked with Him daily encouraging others to do the same.

                I admired the way he would talk about his family. We had many long trips together. We would talk a lot about basketball and what the team needed, but sometimes we would talk about deeper things. I would sit in the front seat and would listen to his stories on our way back from away games. One particular night stands out to me. We were on our way back from a game, and it was late. We got stuck in a snow storm (and Jay has a hard time seeing late at night). I was in the front seat and all of the other girls had fallen asleep in the back. I knew Joy would want me to keep a close eye out for him J so we drove at 35 mph all the way home. We ended up getting home around 3am, but talked the entire time. There were so many stories (and I ask many questions J ) He told me how he met Joy. And how he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He told me how she was always able to put him in his place when necessary. He told me about how he would have Derek stand on his feet when he was little and they would walk together. He told me about how much he cherished his children. He talked about the music they listened to, the way Courtney played basketball, and how smart Derek was, and how beautiful his wife was. And I just sat back and let this man tell his story, because it was such a story to be told. It was a treasure. His family was a treasure to him, and hearing this man’s heart for his family was a treasure to me. We both found gold that night.

                 People that choose to see the good in you, are the ones that truly see you. We are all made in God’s image. Therefore, that is our true self. Jay saw me. And He spoke to that Spirit in me. And I clung to it. I clung to the good that he saw in me and it enabled me to allow God’s Spirit to engulf me. I felt known by Jay. He understood my heart. He understood my love for the Lord and how I desired to please Him. And He taught me how to walk in that faith. I can hear his voice in my head. I can hear him call me “Stinger”, I can hear him say “Our Father in Heaven and friend on Earth”, I can hear Him tell me “You’re a Christian counselor. Christian first, counselor second”, and I can hear him tell me “I love you”. Those were our last words after the alumni basketball game: “I love you”.

            And I believed it.

I believe it.