Open Hands

I have this faulty belief in the power of man. I believe that man can fill, satisfy, and complete me. I never intended to believe it. The seed was planted and the lie crept in stealthily. I've always been taught that God is the Ultimate Provider of all things and that only He can truly satisfy us. My actions have shown that this is what I believe, but in my heart of hearts, I still think that He is holding out on me. That perhaps there is more satisfaction to be found in the eyes of man.

This is my vice.
The lie I've fallen prey to.
My lie.

I have sought out two extremes. On the one end, I hide inside myself with my God in order to ignore my need and keep myself from needing others, and on the other end, I feel the need of others so deeply that I lose sight of God. I am beginning to understand that both extremes are less than all God had intended for us in being in loving community.

It's a letting go.
Everything is a letting go.
Letting go of pride.
Letting go of people.
Letting go of understanding.
And letting go of control.

It's trusting God to know what you need when you need it.
It's not manipulating and coveting relationships.
It's a trust in the deep love that God has for me.

In reality, all of this back and forth between isolation and dependence is a lack of trust. I am seeking to fill my own needs. Either by isolating and manipulating God into filling them, or by depending on others to fill them. Neither avenue is rooted in an understanding of who my God is. For He has already given me every gift under Heaven. He is in all and through all.

The need itself cannot be bad, for Christ Himself had needs.
However, His avenue of filling those needs was rooted in God.
He opened His hands to receive every gift under Heaven.
When we clench tightly, we lose a gift.

It's a humble receiving.
It's all a letting go.