Life has been beyond crazy! And beyond me! I was recently involved in a car accident where I was left carless and sore. The week that the accident occurred was a week that consisted of much homework as well as a 40+ hour work week starting at 8am and ending somewhere near midnight. There was no way that I was going to be able to make it to work everyday by 8am and get a ride home every night at midnight after work! I was stuck.... and in need....
The great thing about God is that He knows our needs before we do. Through this unfortunate circumstance, my needs were met in every circumstance without me even having to think about fulfilling them myself. Right after the accident happened, I immediately attempted to get out of the car (which was an epic fail b/c I was little disoriented) and I was escorted to the back of a friend's vehicle where I was consoled and comforted in the midst of my shock. My friend's fiance went and took pictures of my car, talked with the police, talked with the individual that was in the accident with me, and cleaned out my car of all of things I need. Oh and this was after he bought me lunch! We became friends to say the least. My friend sat in the back of the car and explained everything that happened and really comforted me and encouraged me! She allowed me to feel and didn't pass judgment on my feelings. Luckily, I was only blocks from the Wigger house. This leads me to my next moment of grace.... The Wigger House
This house is unique. I had only known these girls for two weeks, and yet they cared for me as though I were family. I was given back rubs for my soreness, medication for my aches, community for my loneliness, blankets for my lack of warmth, car rides, a place to rest my head, food for my hunger, and most of all love. This has been one of the biggest blessings in my life! Who could have ever guessed that being in an accident could bring so much blessing. But I guess that is just how my God works. He makes seemingly ugly circumstances and turns them into moments where His face is seen most clearly. However, with great blessing, also comes great attack...... insecurity.
I hate not being able to care for myself, and being a burden on anyone. It's my pride. I do not want to need! It's so uncomfortable! It's also more uncomfortable to need when I can't fill it myself! But I guess that's how God designed us..... to need each other! I felt overwhelmed by the kindness that was shown to me, but began to feel insecure as I realized how much people were giving me without me having the opportunity to give back. This is Satan's way of skewing something so Divine. I felt this sudden need to earn their kindness and to work for the blessings that were given to me. However, the more I tried, the more insecure I became. It was a vicious cycle that spiraled down into a deep feeling of defeat! I COULD NOT earn it! I COULD NOT work for it! For one of the first times in my life, I was loved and cared for despite anything I offered. I was just loved for being a child of God: a child in need.
This experience has left me speechless, but has also opened my eyes to what love is." Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." This is what Love is. This is what He is. This is how he views me, despite how I view/treat Him because He is LOVE! It is in His nature to be this. And I saw this God in action in the hearts of four girls...
I'm broken, but more whole than I've ever been. I'm scared, but know where to place my confidence. I'm in need, but am resting in the promise that it will be filled. Thanks be to God my Father in Heaven for loving His child. For taking care of me. For loving me. I am blessed. Not because of what I've done, but because of who He is! I lay low in the weight of His grace.
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